SPENDING TIME WITH MUM

WEATHER: Hot and Humid and 31C

HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY: Re-united with my brother John

BUMMER OF THE DAY: Retracing my steps to the cemetery

This week was always going to be an emotional week for me.  I was reunited with my half-brothers, my Dad and stepmother were in town, I was paying my respects to my mum and the finalization of my divorce goes through the courts next week.  Talk about some momentous milestones all rolled into one week!!

Our Father who art in heaven

Hallowed be thy name

Thy Kingdome come

Thy will be done

On Earth as it is in Heaven

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those who trespass against us

And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

This morning I was off to the cemetery to pay my respects to my mum who died in 2008.  This was the whole purpose to my trip to Darwin and one that has been a long time coming.  I did book to come back early last year before I set off on my World Odyssey but Cyclone Carlos put a stop to that when of all weekends decided to pass through the weekend that I had booked to travel. 

Darwin has a few cemeteries that are now closed or are now full so most burials now take place at Thorak Regional Cemetery on Deloraine Road near Berrimah and this was where mum was laid to rest on the 6^th December.  It is around a 35 minute drive from the city and before I even got to the front entrance gates I had tears in my eyes.  I knew this was going to be emotional for me, but I was hoping I would at least keep it together till I got to her grave site.  I hate people seeing me cry and thankfully there was nobody else around at the cemetery as I retraced my steps from nearly 4 years ago and I remembered exactly where she was buried.  I was going to bring flowers but the thought of them rotting there after a few days really didn’t appeal to me, so with time and the weather on my side, I just sat and remembered the good times and what a character she was.  She worked so hard her whole life for me.  I never went without anything and she shaped the person I am today.  Even now after she has gone, she has continued to shape my life and give me opportunities that I would never ever have had,  From my round the world trip that people can only dream of, to meeting the love of my life to my move to a new country, it has all been achieved because of her.  I also squarely place the blame of my Elmo addiction with her; mum was the first person to buy me an Elmo which was then to span to a collection of over 300 of them over the years.  Incredible I know and I am now going to do something worthwhile with them and I am going to take them to Ethiopia with me and then donate them to an orphanage and share the love and make some little people happy with something that started with mum all those years ago.  Is that a legacy?  Maybe not, but it is comforting to know that we can make some people happy and give them something that they normally wouldn’t ever have a chance to own. 

Cemeteries are so sad as I walked back to my car; I stopped to read some of the headstones.  People have lost their mum, dad, brother, sister, daughter and sons.  BUT the circle of life continues and it is what and how you choose to handle the aftermath of a death that also shapes your attitude to life.  It has made me appreciate each and every day.  Put myself in other people’s shoes and to not judge so quickly.  Everyone is just trying their best in life and no matter where you are in the world; there is always some-one worse off than you are.  I love you mum and I thank you.  For everything that you did in life and for everything you have given me in your afterlife.  I miss you I hope that you are smiling down on me with that proud look on your face that I saw when I played well at squash or did well on a report card from school.  So as I wiped my last tears from my face I drove out of the cemetery I was thinking when the next time I will be able to come back.  Her memory will always live on in all the work that I plan to do in Africa.  She is now in God’s hands.

As harsh as it sounds life does continue on and my little nephew Noah is proof of that and having dinner with my brother John and his partner and my Dad and Chris tonight is a perfect example of that.  I headed to ‘the’ shopping centre of Casuarina to have lunch and have a walk around before heading home for a small nana nap and then out again this evening for dinner.  Mum and I used to do lunch here every Sunday to get out of the heat and into the air conditioning.  Casuarina Shopping Centre has changed a lot over the years and now has a lot of shops that we have in Brisbane.  This was not always the case and I can remember when we got our first McDonald’s in Darwin back in the early 80’s.  Considering the first McDonalds opened in Australia in 1971, we were a little behind the eight ball all the way up in the NT with a lot of things.  I kept checking the bookshops as I walked around and headed into a newsagent and you would never guess what I found in there?  The Lonely Planet’s Ethiopian Amharic Phrasebook.  I knew that it existed but never thought that I would find it in Darwin.  Flipping through the phrase book the language looks daunting to say the least and the words that I learnt on my last trip (counting, some animals and greetings) look so different as I was just using my ear and writing them down phonetically, so seeing them written in Amharic means absolutely nothing to me and they have also written them in English letters, which gives me half a chance of learning the words, but phonetically is how I learn the best.  Oh the fun and games start when you learn a new language and I haven’t studied one since I was at high school where I studied Indonesian for 5 years and was a subject I passed (just) in year 12.  I also found another Lonely Planet book on Volunteering Abroad: A Traveller's Guide to Making a Difference Around the World.  I bought this as I think it will be a useful tool for me as I embark on my next chapter.  It has a lot of useful information on Organized Volunteer programs, Structured and self-funding Volunteer programs, Do It Yourself Placements and starting your own charitable project to name a few topics.  It lists placement companies and agencies, the practicalities, pros and cons, how to choose a placement, maximizing your contribution, useful websites and the list goes on.  I think it will be the best 25AUD spent on a book so far and only one of few actual books that will make the journey to Ethiopia.  They are just so heavy and will rely more upon my Kindle once I move.    

I needed to buy one more thing that really can only be bought in Darwin and that is in the form of salty plums.  Every kid in Darwin at some point in their childhood ate or tasted these.  They really are an acquired taste and I have tried to buy them in Queensland and they just are not the same.  They originate from China and they are dried, salted plums, which can also be sweetened with sugar and every kid in the NT knows about salty plums.  So I went back to ‘my’ corner shop, which I went to as a child and bought a 2kg bag for 40 bucks.  It sounds like a lot of money, but there must be at least 500 of them on the bag and memories of when we could buy them at the school tuck shop in primary school for 5c each….

I finished off the afternoon with a drive around my old ‘hood’, Nightcliff.  I used to ride my bike or walk to the beach to get in my sunbaking every weekend or visit the Nightcliff pool.  Darwin is not renowned for its beaches.  You can’t swim in the sea between October and May due to the jellyfish, but I was content to sit down there and roast myself weekend after weekend…..  Not much has changed really, with my sun loving ways and also with the area.  A few home reno’s and some new apartments but otherwise it all looks the same.  It was a beautiful day and with my memories tucked away I drove back to the hotel for a small nana nap.  It had been an emotional day and I just needed to re-coup. 

Dinner tonight was at my brother Johns house where I met his partner Sam and her daughter Zia.  Dad and Chris came as well so it was nice to see them again.  John introduced me as his sister, and it felt so nice, if not a little strange to my ears, as I just have never heard that when someone is referring to me.  I have promised Dad and Chris I will come to visit them in Townsville at the end of the year.  After dinner we all hit the road, Dad and Chris had to drive back to Paulies and I had an early start in the morning with my flight departing at 7.15am.  I stopped on the way home to refuel the rental car.  I’m not sure who told me, but you can always tell what side the fuel thingy is on by the little mark next to the fuel gauge in the car.  I was just hoping that it tells me what fuel I needed when I flipped the door which it did.  Another car rental success with no accidents- woo hoo……

My flight is an international departure tomorrow and with a 7.15am take off it is an early start in the morning.  Lucky I am only a 2 minute drive from the terminal and I am assuming the car drop off won’t take that long and it was worth the early start to get into Melbourne at a decent time tomorrow.     

So I leave you with these last words for my mum……

You can shed tears that she is gone 
or you can smile because she has lived. 

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back 
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left. 

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her 
or you can be full of the love you shared. 

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday 
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. 

You can remember her and only that she’s gone 
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. 

You can cry and close your mind, 
be empty and turn your back 
or you can do what she’d want: 
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.